


Everything that I do, reminds me of you

by moonminso



Category: VERIVERY (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Other pairing(s) will be touched upon, Rare Pairings, author has no idea what is going on, im just vibing, major character death only refers to the past i could never kill so much as a fruit fly, no beta we die like men, turns out minchan is literally a math prodigy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22552666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonminso/pseuds/moonminso
Summary: Minchan, all his life, had always been longing for someone. In the edges of his memory, just where he couldn’t fully grasp, there was the whisper of something. Something important, something he ached to find out. However, in his 21 years of life, he had never once managed to figure out what it was. Sometimes, he’d wake up drenched in sweat and tears, trembling all over, and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why. All he knew is that it was related to that whisper of a memory.
Relationships: Hong Minchan/Jo Gyehyeon
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47





	Everything that I do, reminds me of you

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO so there are some trigger warnings that apply here but they sort of spoil things, so I put them in the bottom notes. Scroll down to see them please :-(!! Just in case any of the subjects mentioned are triggering to you. If you don't scroll, know that when you come across sections marked with (!!!) it is just an indicator that there is a trigger warning that applies.

Working the graveyard shift at a gas station was, well, uneventful. Minchan spent most of his time studying, playing around on his phone, or staring into space. It really was mind-numbingly boring. Still, it helped him pay the bills, so it wasn’t all bad.

It was on one such uneventful night that a young man came into the shop. Minchan spared him a quick glance. A black face-mask sat over his mouth and nose, and he was tucked into a hoodie and a soft looking scarf. A cap sat low over his face, hiding his eyes. Minchan figured he wasn’t the type to appreciate a too-cheery hello at 2 in the morning, so he simply looked back down.

As he stranger walked past the register, his scent wafted past Minchan. It smelled warm, sort of like ginger, and for some reason it knocked the wind out of him. Minchan’s entire body froze as the blood in his head suddenly plummeted into his stomach. That _scent,_ he had smelled it before. He knew that scent. He _knew._

Minchan wasn’t sure how long he sat there staring wide-eyed into space. It was the sound of someone clearing their throat that finally snapped him out of it. Minchan started, looking up at the stranger in front of him. “Uh-“ he began, intelligently, but the stranger just pointed down at the counter again. Looking back down, Minchan saw the can of energy drink sat there. “Oh, sorry, uh, let me ring that up for you,” he stuttered, heart pounding so fiercely he was certain the stranger could hear it. His proximity was overwhelming Minchan’s senses like no other, making his mind race in ninety thousand different directions all at once. He fumbled with the scanner and nearly knocked the can over, but he managed to ring the item up eventually.

_Get it together, you idiot!_ “That’ll be 2.50,” he managed, and the stranger reached into his pocket, pulling out a few coins and a crumpled bill. Minchan held his hand out, forcing the tremors away. Their fingers brushed as he put the money into Minchan’s waiting palm.

An electric pulse shot up Minchan’s hand, and the stranger stiffened with a small gasp. Minchan’s eyes snapped upwards, and for the first time that night, they faced each other head-on.

“Minchan?” The stranger breathed, like he didn’t realize what he was saying. Minchan, on the other hand, felt like he was just hit by a truck.

That voice – it was incredibly soft, but somehow he knew, just knew with every fiber of his being, that he had heard it before.

The stranger suddenly blinked, yanking his hand away and taking a stumbling step backwards. Minchan wanted to say something, wanted to stop him from leaving, but he could only sit dumbstruck as the stranger grabbed his can and all but ran out of the gas station.

In the quiet aftermath, Minchan was as if made of stone. The only thing breaking the oppressive silence was the quiet whirring of the AC-unit.

***

When Minchan stumbled into his dorm that morning, he was still reeling. So much so, in fact, that he didn’t notice Hoyoung’s bag lying directly in front of him. He crashed to the floor with a pathetic squeal, just barely managing to catch himself before his head bounced off the floor.

“Minchan?” Hoyoung came rushing out of his bedroom, hair askew and eyes puffy from the peaceful sleep he was clearly just yanked out of. He gave Minchan a stunned once over, taking in all 181 centimeters of him sprawled on the floor like a mangled starfish, before letting out the most exasperated sigh Minchan had ever heard. And that was saying something. He had been Hoyoung’s roommate for the better part of three years.

Hoyoung padded over and crouched on the floor next to Minchan, reaching out and carding a gentle hand through his unruly curls. “You’re gonna hurt yourself one of these days, you know?” he said, brows pinching in worry. “Are you alright? You look kinda lost.”

To say Minchan was lost was the understatement of the year. A tidal wave of emotions had been rolling and crashing through him ever since he first got a hint of that damned scent. The subtle nagging in the back of his head had come _alive,_ after that stranger touched him. After he said his name.

How was he supposed to wrap his head around this bone deep sadness he just couldn’t shake?

He sat up, and without a word, wrapped his arms around Hoyoung’s middle. “I don’t know,” he mumbled, tucking his face against his friend’s chest. “I really don’t know.”

Hoyoung, bless his heart, didn’t waste any time returning Minchan’s hug and resting his cheek on the crown of his head. “Not knowing is okay, Chani.” He rubbed slow circles on Minchan’s back and they just sat there for a while, neither one of them feeling the need to say anything else.

The clock hanging on the opposite wall ticked into the silence, and that, coupled with the feeling of Hoyoung’s solid body against him, eventually brought his head above water. Minchan stirred, slipping out of Hoyoung’s arms. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly. Hoyoung let out a good-natured huff, giving Minchan a pat on the cheek before getting up and padding into the kitchen.

“Want coffee or something?” Minchan knew it was probably a terrible idea to have caffeine when he was supposed to go to sleep, but damn if his body wasn’t craving it like no other.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied, following Hoyoung into the kitchen and hopping up on the counter to sit down. He watched Hoyoung mull around the kitchen for a little while, finding comfort in the familiarity of the scene. Minchan had always thought having a roommate would be difficult, but the two of them had worked out, somehow. Now, he couldn’t imagine sharing his space with anybody else.

Except, maybe…

Minchan’s thoughts drifted back to the man at the gas station, to the eyes just barely visible from underneath his cap, to the way he had said Minchan’s name. Somehow, that had been as familiar as Hoyoung’s morning routine.

A flinch tore through him as something cold pressed against the side of his neck. “Ack! What –“ he turned bewilderedly to Hoyoung, who was holding the offending spoon in his hand with absolutely no shame.

“Earth to Minchan. You had your thinking face on.”

“My thinking face?”

Hoyoung mimicked an expression Minchan was certain he wouldn’t be caught dead making.

“I was just spacing out,” he pouted, crossing his arms loosely across his stomach.

“You wanna talk about it?” Hoyoung leaned on the counter next to Minchan’s thigh.

Did he want to talk about it? Sure, he did. The question was how he was gonna go about it without sounding completely insane.

Fuck it, Minchan decided. Hoyoung was never one to be judge mental and besides, Minchan trusted him with his everything.

“You know how I’m on anti-depressants, right?” He began carefully, glancing at Hoyoung and catching his nod. “I take them to cope with this – I can’t describe it. This… Longing, I guess? For as long as I can remember, I’ve just felt so empty. Like I was missing something. My parents obviously got worried, hence the psychologists and the medication. It definitely helps, but last night, I…”

Minchan trailed off. What _did _happen last night? A stranger walked in and for some reason, Minchan’s emotions went ape-shit. Like his entire being was pulling him towards this person, desperate to reach him. That, and he was certain he wasn’t the only one who felt it.

“Someone… A guy, came into the station at, like, 2 am. He was wearing a mask and cap so I couldn’t really see his face, but I swear to god, Hoyoung, it felt like I’ve known him my entire life. It felt like I was supposed to remember him. Then, when he was paying, our hands touched and he said my name, completely out of nowhere. I wasn’t wearing a nametag either, and the guy looked spaced out when he was saying it. Then he just grabbed his stuff and bolted.”

Hoyoung looked… well, puzzled. It made Minchan want to burst out laughing, because it perfectly summarized his mood for the past eight or so hours. Excluding the near hysteria, of course.

Minchan heaved a breath, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. “My point is, when he showed up, it felt like I just found something important. Like that longing I’ve been feeling since forever finally let up, even for just a second.”

The silence that followed was heavy, and without even looking, Minchan could tell Hoyoung was trying to make sense of what he had just heard. Before he could voice his conclusion though, the coffee machine chimed. Minchan spared it a look before taking it upon himself to hop off the counter and grab two mugs out of the cabinets, filling both up and dumping an unhealthy amount of sugar into Hoyoung’s. His roommate accepted the offered mug with a small thank you.

Minchan wasn’t bothered by the lack of a reply. It was a hell of a thing to reply to, after all. He didn’t even understand it himself_,_ just knew that he really, _really,_ wanted to meet that stranger again. Images of his far-away dark eyes flitted around in Minchan’s mind, and the longing in his heart only grew. It was more intense than it had ever been before. Echos of a voice, of a name, were teetering just at the edge of his memory, just beyond grasp. Minchan was so close to making it out, so close he could all but touch it –

“Chani.”

When reality dawned on Minchan once again, he quickly realized he was holding his mug in a white knuckled grip, and heat was searing into his palm. “Shit.”

He set the mug down before hurriedly stepping over to the sink and slapping the tap. Cold water rushed over his stinging skin, just barely enough to relieve some of the pain.

“Hey,” Hoyoung’s arms looped around Minchan’s waist as he slotted himself against his back. Tension he didn’t know had been building up immediately started bleeding out of Minchan’s muscles as the familiar warmth of his friend enveloped him. Minchan sucked a deep breath through his nose, before letting the air rush out his mouth.

“It sounds like you had a bit of an emotional shock, last night.” His voice came out slightly muffled against Minchan’s hoodie. “D’you think you might’ve met this guy when you were younger?”

“No, I don’t think so. It feels like – “ Minchan closed his eyes, trying to search through the scattered _almost-memories_ in his head. What he found was a sense of this persons presence, of somehow having known him, and then… loss. Loss, and darkness. The blood in his veins turned to ice, and Minchan fought to swallow around the growing urge to cry.

“It feels like I knew him _before,_ but then it goes dark. It’s like…” _I_ _lost him,_ he wants to say, but he chokes on his own voice, hot tears spilling from his eyes.

***

(!!!)

_“-chan, Minchan, look at me.” Minchan didn’t want to, didn’t dare to, didn’t want it to be real. A trembling, wet hand came to rest on his cheek, coaxing him gently until the two of them finally met eyes. _

_“It doesn’t hurt,” said that soft, airy voice. Minchan choked back his sob, vision blurry with the tears pouring out of him. “It doesn’t hurt,” the man on the ground repeated, lips twitching up in the ghost of a smile. He was so unbelievably pale and his hand was cold as stone against Minchan’s skin._

_“You’re gonna be okay,” Minchan barely managed through his hiccupping sobs. “The ambulance – “_

_“Minchan, shhh. We both know I’m not…” he trailed off, but he might as well have shouted the remaining words through a megaphone. Fear was pounding through Minchan’s veins, desperation was clawing at his throat and shredding it to bits. They stared into each other’s eyes, and Minchan could tell. Despite willing himself not to believe it, he could see how he was fading._

_“Baby, don’t say that.” He had to heave for air, his entire body was shaking and his head was spinning. God, the blood. It was everywhere. Minchan didn’t know how to stop it, didn’t know how to make it okay._

_“Chani,” he paused, mouth dropping open and eyes going blank for a terrifying second as he gasped for air. Minchan was falling apart at the seams, he was crashing into an abyss so dark and empty he couldn’t even begin to comprehend what was up and what was down. “Chani, I’ll find you, next time, okay?” his voice was fading. It was so weak. The hand against Minchan’s cheek slackened, and he rushed to grab onto it. “I’ll find you, just wait for me. Promise?”_

_“I promise,” Minchan said brokenly, hardly louder than a whisper. He wasn’t sure what he was promising, but he knew he meant it. Down to the bottom of his shattered heart, he meant it._

_“I love you, Chani,” he said, after another shallow gasp. Minchan watched his eyes begin to lose focus. _

_“I love you too,” he sobbed, clutching the limp hand against his cheek and staring at the man in front of him like his will alone could keep him with him. Like he wasn’t on the cusp of … of…_

_“Baby?” his voice broke._

_Minchan wasn’t sure when it had happened. Wasn’t sure when those eyes stopped seeing anything anymore, when those pitiful gasps stopped coming. He held on to that cold hand for dear life, afraid to let go, afraid to lose him forever. He wasn’t gone, he couldn’t be._

_“Gyehyeon?”_

***

Minchan snapped out of it with a terrible, ragged wheeze. Had it not been for Hoyoung already supporting his weight, Minchan would’ve collapsed to the floor in the blink of an eye. He was trembling all over, and he had the sick feeling of something sticky smeared on the side of his face. He slapped his cheek like a man possessed, breath hitching once again when it came back dry.

Hoyoung let gravity pull the two of them down until they were sitting on the kitchen floor. Minchan didn’t have it in him to protest. His legs felt so weak he wasn’t sure he could stand up anytime soon, anyway. A pair of hands planted themselves on his shoulders and he was, with some difficulty, maneuvered around to face Hoyoung, his back against the cabinets.

The sight that met him caused a pang of guilt in his chest. Hoyoung was pale, and the furrow between his brows was deeper than he’d ever seen it. “What happened, just now?”

It had been so vivid. Minchan was absolutely sure it wasn’t a dream, or something he imagined. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. And – and the name –

“Gyehyeon,” he breathed, hesitant. It rolled off his tongue like he’d been saying it every day for his entire life. “His name – it’s Gyehyeon.”

Hoyoung was clearly confused, tilting his head at Minchan in that way that made him resemble a squirrel. “Who? The guy you met last night?”

He was struggling to find his voice, so Minchan just nodded. He was sure of it. Those eyes were the exact ones he had seen last night, and the voice – Minchan blinked harshly, willing away another onslaught of tears. “I think it was a memory, just now. He – Gyehyeon… It was bad.”

For some reason, telling Hoyoung exactly what he had seen felt off to him, like it wasn’t entirely his story to share. Minchan put both hands into his hair and yanked, letting out a frustrated groan and pulling his knees to his chest, dropping his forehead onto them. “I don’t get it, it feels like a memory, but it couldn’t have been, could it? He was our age in it, and I haven’t –“ _I haven’t witnessed anyone die recently._

It was quiet in the kitchen and for a little while, Hoyoung didn’t do or say anything. After a while though, he sighed. “Chani,” the nickname sent a bolt lightning directly through Minchan’s heart, “we’ll figure this out, alright? But not now. You’re tired.”

It was only then that Minchan fully realized just how heavy and foggy he truly felt. His limbs turned leaden all at once, dragged down by how much his body was aching for rest. “Yeah,” he managed, lifting his head and peeking at Hoyoung, who was giving him a reassuring smile. “Yeah.”

***

The following days were slow. Minchan couldn’t absorb a single thing his professors were saying, only mindlessly copied what was on the slides. Work was no better, he was so busy watching the doors he accidently poured a fresh pot of coffee out in the sink. His mind kept drifting back to Gyehyeon, no matter where he was or what he was doing. Minchan could be filling his water bottle, and suddenly he’d get the sensation that he had done that before with Gyehyeon. Little things in his life that he hadn’t given a second thought before were constantly reminding him of a person he hadn’t even properly met.

Well, he wasn’t actually so sure they hadn’t met. He was still working on that bit.

He wasn’t on shift today, so Minchan trudged through the chilly night in silence, headphones tucked so deep into his pocket he didn’t even bother pulling them out. Afternoon and evening classes gave him the opportunity to sleep after his shifts at the gas station, but it also meant he was constantly walking home in the dark. Hoyoung had been nagging him about vitamin D supplements for ages.

Gyehyeon drifted into his mind yet again. Ever since that fiasco in the kitchen, he and Hoyoung had been careful about approaching the subject. Hoyoung had made sure he was alright by routinely checking up on him, and right now Minchan didn’t need anything more. A small smile tugged at his lips as affection pooled in his stomach.

He had just stepped out of the campus gates when the sound of pounding footsteps disturbed the otherwise quiet night. Minchan barely had time to whip around before a body came barreling into him, taking the both of them clear off their feet with twin yells. Minchan couldn’t even hope to catch himself, and saw stars when his head hit the pavement with an awful _clonk_.

“Fuck,” the other person hissed, scrambling to get off Minchan. Their breaths were short and hurried, like they had been running for miles. Minchan was trying to get a look at them, but his eyes weren’t cooperating. Moving only resulted in a throbbing pain from his head that was bad enough to force a small keen out of him.

“Fuck, shit, are you okay? Hello?” Minchan squeezed his eyes shut, willing his head to stop spinning. He gave a weak thumbs-up, but the person clearly wasn’t reassured by his gesture, because they just swore again.

Gentle hands lifted the fabric of his scarf away from his face just as Minchan finally managed to open his eyes.

To say the world froze around them would be an understatement. The wind was knocked out of Minchan all over again as he came to face with – with –

With Gyehyeon.

Gyehyeon sat back on his heels with a sharp exhale, looking all the world like he was about to take off running again. Panic swelled in Minchan and without thinking, his hand shot out and locked around Gyehyeon’s wrist. His strangled _wait_ was cut off by another throb of pain and was nearly made unintelligible by his pained groan.

“Wait,” he pleaded, clearer as the pain subsided. “Wait.”

Gyehyeon hesitated, but eventually settled back down. Minchan, however, didn’t dare let go.

“Can – can you stand?” Gyehyeon asked, strained. It looked like his cogs were turning a million miles a minute. “You don’t look like you’re having a concussion, but – “

Minchan knew as much too. He had had one before and nearly killed Hoyoung with worry because he passed out and started vomiting almost as soon as he woke up. His fingers flexed around Gyehyeon’s wrist as he collected himself. “I’m good, just give me a second.”

Gyehyeon didn’t reply, but Minchan felt how his arm shifted slightly into his grip. Now his heart was beating for a completely different reason. Minchan let his eyes slide shut as he took in a couple steadying breaths, just how his psychologist had taught him. In the nose, out the mouth, rinse and repeat.

The sound of rustling fabric vaguely registered to Minchan as he continued focusing on his breathing. Fingers brushing his shoulder was what had him blinking his eyes open again, only to find Gyehyeon hovering over him with a pained expression on his face.

“Are you okay?” he blurted, and immediately felt heat rise to his face. Gyehyeon blinked, like he was snapping out of a trance, and mirrored Minchan’s flush.

“Yeah, I was worried you passed out on me.” He stared at his lap and pointedly avoided looking up. Minchan couldn’t help but smile, a soft sort of fondness cradling his heart.

“Could you help me up?” he asked, not even attempting to hide his stupid expression when Gyehyeon finally looked back up. “I don’t trust my leg coordination skills at the moment.”

That earned him one of those _excess-air-blown-through-the-nose_ type laughs, and honestly, that was a win if Minchan had ever seen one. “Yeah,” Gyehyeon pulled his wrist back until his hand was wrapped snugly around Minchan’s, before grabbing his waist with the other.

“One, two – “  
Minchan was swiftly hoisted off the ground and his head went spinning almost immediately. He stumbled like a deer on ice, but Gyehyeon was there, catching him before he went careening to the ground all over again.

Time slowing down seemed to be a common occurrence between the two of them. Minchan’s face landed in the crook of Gyehyeon’s neck and his nose flooded with that familiar, ginger-like scent. He got lost in it, and without really meaning to, he leaned completely into Gyehyeon’s touch. The feeling of his body, warm and solid against his, soothed some violent ache in his heart he hadn’t even realized was there. Not until he saw this very man die in front of him. Saw how cold and limp he went, how unresponsive.

Minchan lifted both arms and wrapped them around Gyehyeon’s neck, clutching him as though he would turn to dust the second he let go. He was crying, he observed belatedly, eyelashes soppy with tears.

It took a second before he realized Gyehyeon was hugging him back. He had both arms securely around Minchan’s waist, pressing their bodies ever closer. Minchan felt something wet trickle past his ear – he wasn’t the only one crying, either.

Man, this was weird. Weird, but so incredibly _right._ Like he had been waiting for this moment for decades.

“I –“ he began, but his voice faltered. Something – something beyond him had wanted to tell Gyehyeon that he had missed him. And by god, Minchan had, but he was afraid of what would happen if he said it.

Gyehyeon sniffled loudly, giving Minchan a final squeeze before gently pulling back. Minchan let him go, reluctantly at first, but as soon as they stood face to face again he wanted to ground to open up beneath him and swallow him up. “Uhm, sorry.”

A small, albeit confused smile played on Gyehyeon’s face. It was breathtaking. “It’s alright. We, uh, we should get you to the hospital, just to be safe. You have blood in your hair.”

Minchan blinked dumbly, hand shooting up on instinct to feel the back of his head. His fingers brushed what felt like a moist clump. “Shit, yeah. Hoyoung’s gonna kill me, I swear.”

Wait, fuck, Hoyoung!

Panicked, Minchan fumbled around for his phone, yanking it out of his hoodie pocket. Thank god it _somehow_ hadn’t gone flying. On screen, there were three texts from Hoyoung asking where he was, coupled with a notification for a missed call.

“Boyfriend?” Gyehyeon asked tentatively. Minchan nearly dropped his fucking phone.

“No! No, he’s my roommate, total mom friend. Not my boyfriend, like, at all. Gross. He has a massive crush on this senior named Dongheon.” He knew he was babbling but he couldn’t stop, not even when the worst, most awkward laugh in the history of laughs slipped out. Even Gyehyeon looked taken aback.

“That’s… That’s good to know.” His shoulders relaxed and he glanced at the phone Minchan was still clutching, giving it an urging nod. “You should probably text him?”

“Oh, yeah! Of course.” Minchan unlocked his phone and sent Hoyoung a couple rapid-fire texts, telling him not to wait up and that he would explain as soon as he was home. He saw the (…) bubble pop up almost immediately, but closed his phone before Hoyoung finished his reply. He pocketed it swiftly, turning back to Gyehyeon with a sheepish smile. “Now, to the hospital, I assume?”

Gyehyeon smiled again, broader this time, enough that his eyes crinkled a little at the corners. Minchan felt another swoop of fondness. “Yeah, let’s go. Do you need help walking?”

Honestly, Minchan would probably be fine on his own. Contrary to Hoyoung’s beliefs, he could actually walk without tripping on air. He really wanted an excuse to keep touching Gyehyeon, though. “Could you just hold onto my arm or something?”

Gyehyeon complied easily. He hesitated just shy of touching Minchan, but quickly found his resolve and nestled his hand in the crook of Minchan’s arm.

***

(!!!)

Minchan and Gyehyeon left the hospital with a warning to get proper rest for the next couple of days and a bag with some medicine to keep the wound clean. When the doctor had asked how he had gotten the injury, Minchan sacrificed his dignity and told her he had tripped over his own feet. Gyehyeon had grinned, so it was completely worth the doctor’s pointed eyebrow raise.

They stood outside the doors waiting for Hoyoung. He had called Minchan and demanded to know where he was, and there was no beating around the bush when it came to Hoyoung. Safe to say, he all but ordered him to stay put so he could come get him.

“Hey,” Minchan said, as something occurred to him. “Why were you running in the first place?”

Gyehyeon stiffened a bit, hands digging deeper into his pockets as he stared at nothing in particular. “I bumped into some guys I’ve had trouble with in the past. Didn’t want a confrontation.”

Now it was Minchan’s turn to stiffen. He straightened up in alarm, giving Gyehyeon an intent look. “What kind of trouble?” The question tumbled out of him without thought; he regretted it almost immediately. “No, sorry, I shouldn’t pry – just, stay safe, will you?”

Blood, cold hands, _it doesn’t hurt – _

A shudder ran through Minchan’s spine as nausea settled heavily in his stomach. He willed the thoughts away, not realizing he had instinctively taken a step closer to Gyehyeon. Their shoulders brushed, and it was enough to ground Minchan in the present. Whatever had happened then wasn’t happening now. Gyehyeon was alive, he was standing right there next to him. He was okay.

One moment Minchan was standing shoulder to shoulder with Gyehyeon, the next, he was backed against the concrete wall, encased by Gyehyeon’s arms on either side of his chest. If that wasn’t enough to catch him off guard, the look Gyehyeon was giving him sure did the trick.

His expression was twisted into a sort of grimace that gave Minchan the impression he was losing his cool. Like he had bottled something up and just couldn’t hold it in anymore. He blinked like a deer in headlights, hardly daring to move.

“Listen, we – you –“ Gyehyeon tried, stumbling over his words. Tears that wouldn’t quite spill over were gleaming at his lash line. “I keep having dreams about you. I _remember _you. I remember you telling me that exact thing – telling me to stay safe. I – did –“

Minchan’s heart was pounding so hard he thought his ribs would crack and with how tightly his throat was snared shut, he couldn’t talk even if he wanted to.

“Did I die?” Gyehyeon asked, and the question blew through Minchan like a thousand bullets. “I just… I keep having this dream where everything goes black. I have so many dreams, fuck – that night at the gas station, I thought I had gone insane when I saw you.

It’s like I have this whole other set of memories that – that don’t fit into _now._ Like I lived before, somehow. And you’re there, in every single one of them. I thought it was just my head running wild. You were my dream, and then suddenly you were just – real.”

He stared intently at Minchan, eyes boring into him, but he was completely frozen. He didn’t know what to do or say. His only dream – memory – of Gyehyeon was –

Blood, vacant eyes, _I’ll find you, next time_ –

Minchan screwed his eyes shut, gripping Gyehyeon’s shoulders so hard his fingers hurt. He was fighting with every last bit of strength he had to keep himself from crumpling under the immense pressure building in his head. The fear, the loss, the absolute and utter desperation.

God, he couldn’t breathe. It was happening all over again, Gyehyeon was fading away, he was losing him – Minchan couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get his lungs to work, couldn’t figure out how to open his mouth to take a breath.

He was falling, falling, falling. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear. Everything was completely black, lost, empty. Minchan desperately tried to reach out for anything to hold on to, anything at all.

Only when he was about to lose hope for good did something penetrate the blackness blanketing him. There was a slight pressure on him – he couldn’t tell where – and Minchan grabbed onto it. The longer he held on, the closer to the surface he got.

It was Gyehyeon. He had both his hands cupping Minchan’s face. “Breathe, Chani,” he was saying. Minchan tried, and at first, it was clumsy – too shallow to really be effective – but then he remembered. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he realized it couldn’t have been more than a twenty or so seconds. Much longer without air and he would’ve passed out. One breath after the other, Minchan managed to finally even them out into a healthy pace again.

Gyehyeon looked stricken, still cupping Minchan’s face, staring at him with his lips drawn into a tight line and brows furrowed almost as badly as Hoyoung’s. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” his voice was so soft Minchan had to concentrate to hear, “you… you have them too, right? The dreams? I’m so sorry.”

Minchan didn’t have the energy to say much, so he settled for pulling out of Gyehyeon’s grip and hiding his face in the crook of his neck instead. It felt like a familiar gesture, like something he had done a million times before. If the way Gyehyeon melted into it was anything to go by, he felt the same way.

“I knew I was missing something,” he murmured against the soft skin. “But I only ever had one dream.”

Gyehyeon shuddered. He got the message, loud and clear. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ll tell you about it when – when I’m ready.”

If he had wanted to reply, it was lost in the sound of a car horn honking from the parking lot. Minchan looked up and spotted Hoyoung’s car pulling into the lot. With a quick smile to Gyehyeon, he stepped away from him and headed toward the curb where the car was rolling to a stop. Only when his hand was on the handle did he realize no one was following him. He turned around, the question on the tip of his tongue.

“It’s okay, I live nearby.” Gyehyeon said before he could ask. “Before you leave though, could I – could I have your number?”

A genuine smile broke out on Minchan’s face then, he couldn’t help it. “Thought you’d never ask.”

***

As soon as Minchan got settled in the car and pulled his seat belt on, Hoyoung turned to him with a glare he thought only a mother could make. “What happened? Is it bad? Can I see? Let me get a look at you.”

Minchan turned his head and let Hoyoung look his fill, mainly because that meant he could keep his eyes on Gyehyeon’s retreating back. Hoyoung must’ve caught on, because he stopped shifting Minchan’s hair around. “Wait, is that…?”

Gyehyeon rounded a corner out of sight and Minchan slumped into his seat, the longing in his chest already starting to blossom again. “Yeah,” he said softly. “That’s Gyehyeon.”

A couple seconds ticked by before Hoyoung found his voice. “Do you two have the same… situation?” Minchan looked over at his friend, who was already staring at Minchan with concern evident on his face

A small smile crept up on Minchan’s face. God, he was exhausted. “Yeah. We didn’t really talk about it, but… I think he remembers more than I do.” He paused, mulling the night over in his head in search of the best way to explain this all to someone who wasn’t in it themselves. “Everything about him feels familiar, like I’ve known him for ages.”

For a moment, Hoyoung looked like he didn’t know how to react. Just as Minchan was about to tell him not to worry too much about it, though, something in Hoyoung seemed to melt, just a little. “I’m not gonna pretend I know what’s happening,” he said, “but I’m happy you’re not alone in this. You seem less anxious, you know?”

Minchan blinked, tilting his head. “I do?” He hadn’t noticed, but now that he thought about it, Hoyoung was right. It was like a weight had been partially lifted from his shoulders. Hoyoung just smiled, reaching over and poking Minchan’s cheek.

“Let’s get you home. And you bet your ass you’re telling me how you managed to crack your head open, by the way.”

***

TODAY - 9:36 AM

**Gyehyeonnie: **what class are you heading to?

**Me: **calculus (ｰ ｰ;) im gay i hate math

** Me: **if it wasn’t for yeonho-ya i would

be failing miserably

**Gyehyeonnie: **rip lol good luck

**Gyehyeonnie: **btw is your head ok?

**Gyehyeonnie: **like you’re not dizzy

or whatever

**Me: **yes im good don’t worry!!!!!!!!!!

**Me: **Hoyoung has been fussing over it

**Me: **im in the safest hands ~ (＾▽＾)

Minchan smiled down at his screen, feeling like a giddy teenager all over again. He had texted Gyehyeon last night asking if he had gotten home safe with fingers so shaky he had to retype at least 6 times. The nerves dissipated almost immediately when Gyehyeon replied a couple minutes later, though. Minchan wasn’t sure why had been so nervous in the first place, but Hoyoung had chimed in with an ever rational explanation.

_“You’re still adjusting to having him in your life, Chani.”_

Adjusting was the key word. His entire life, Minchan had been dealing with nightmares he could never remember, with longing for someone he didn’t know. In the span of less than a week, the source of his turmoil was right in front of him. Minchan was adjusting, indeed.

It wasn’t like he could just spontaneously drop is medication, for example. Gyehyeon coming into his life wasn’t a cure-all for a life long struggle. Years of therapy hadn’t been for nothing, Minchan knew better than to expect Gyehyeon to wave a magic wand and right the chronic chemical imbalance in his brain.

Could he help Minchan help himself? Definitely. Hoyoung had been doing it for years. But at the end of the day, it was Minchan who had to have the reigns.

The class was relatively full when Minchan walked in, courtesy of his near miss with sleeping through the alarm clock that morning. He scanned the room and spotted Yeonho and Yongseung, the two guys he was most familiar with in that class, toward the back of the room. Yongseung grinned at him, waving him over.

“Good morning, hyung,” he said as Minchan got settled. Yeonho leaned forward and greeted Minchan as well, raising a brow at is particularly disheveled curls.

“Late morning?” he inquired as the corners of his mouth tilted upwards. Yongseung looked curious too, minus the imminent smugness, round eyes twinkling far brighter than what should be possible at 9:45 in the morning.

“Ha ha,” Minchan said drily. “Make that a late night. I hit my head and ended up in the hospital.” _That, and I met the person I’ve been dreaming about my entire life and turns out he’s been dreaming about me too and now we don’t know what to do but we’re going with the flow._

Their expressions shifted from curious to mildly horrified.

“It wasn’t anything serious, just a surface wound. Doc said to take it easy, and well, I happen to be quite the expert in _taking it easy_.”

Yongseung recovered first, giving Minchan another sweet smile. “Don’t worry, hyung. I’ll keep an eye on you.”

The professor picked that exact moment to walk into the class and as a hush fell over the room, Minchan mouthed a “thank you” to Yongseung with the best doe eyes he could muster. The three of them suppressed their sniggers and turned their attention to the front.

***

Minchan tried to pay attention to what the professor was saying, he truly, honestly did. He needed the course credit to graduate, after all. It was just so utterly mind numbing that when his phone buzzed some thirty minutes in, his attention was diverted immediately.

Casting a quick glance to make sure the professor wasn’t looking his way, he unlocked his phone. There was a text from Gyehyeon waiting for him. Minchan’s heart skipped a beat and he had to bite back a dopey grin.

TODAY – 10:07 AM

**Gyehyeonnie: **I’m happy to hear that

**Gyehyeonnie: **you doing anything after class?

His choked inhale was loud enough to make Yongseung shoot him a worried look.

**Me: **no i only have one class today!!

**Me: **all my classes except this one are

later in the day cus work ´･ᴗ･`

**Gyehyeonnie: **oh that makes sense

**Gyehyeonnie: **wanna meet up? I’m free

too, I can pick you up and we

can get lunch or something

Minchan was just about to type up a storm when Yongseung nudged him in the arm. His eyes shot up just in time to catch the professors steely gaze sweep across the class, having clearly just asked a question. She only briefly considered Minchan before moving on to a girl with her hand up. Once the coast was clear, Minchan gave Yongseung’s thigh a pat in thanks, before going back to his phone.

TODAY – 10:11 AM

**Me: **sorry i was nearly caught

texting in class (⊃д⊂)

**Me: **that sounds nice (´∀｀•) im

in building 6 ill just meet u

at the main entrance!!!!!

**Me: **class lets out at 11:05 (＾▽＾)

**Gyehyeonnie: **texting in class? I didn’t

realize you were a

criminal, minchan

**Me: **(#｀皿´) !!!!

**Gyehyeonnie: **don’t worry I won’t snitch

**Gyehyeonnie: **I’ll be there at 11

Minchan watched the (…) bubble appear and disappear a couple times and was unable to hold back the amused look on his face. To anyone else he probably looked like a complete idiot, but he couldn’t care less.

**Gyehyeonnie: **don’t laugh at me I know

we saw each other literally last

night but

**Gyehyeonnie: **I miss you so I’m really

looking forward to seeing

you again

**Gyehyeonnie: **OK BYE GTG DKFJRFSKD

The room around Minchan went quiet as he stared down at the text. _I miss you. _Those three words Minchan had wanted to say to Gyehyeon the night before, the words that had been lingering on the tip of his tongue for as long as he could remember.

He had long since gotten used to the ache in his heart, but it felt different this time. It squeezed not just with hurt, but with _want._ Minchan wanted to get up from his seat and go running to Gyehyeon, tell him how much he had missed him too and how much he loved –

The air rushed from his lungs. _Love?_ With a quiet, shaky inhale, Minchan put his phone down on the desk.

_I love you, Chani_

_I love you too_

If these truly were memories, then… then they had loved each other, once upon a time. Minchan fought the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, instead letting them go unfocused in the general direction of the whiteboard. Maybe they had loved each other once, but it was distant. An echo. He didn’t feel right blurting out a declaration like that.

With a small shake of his head, Minchan grabbed his pen and started scribbling down the equations on the board. He could think about this later, he needed to focus on actually getting the education he was paying an arm and a leg for.

The rest of class passed by in a blur. Yeonho didn’t even need him to ask, simply set up a tutoring session that weekend. “And you’re paying for my coffee, hyung. You were spacing out the entire hour and twenty minutes.”

_He got me there,_ Minchan thought as he gathered up his stuff.

***

Minchan hurried down the stairs with butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Gyehyeon was probably waiting for him already, a fact that did nothing for his already quickened pulse. Maybe Gyehyeon thought he was alone when he said he had missed Minchan despite their minimal time apart, but he literally couldn’t be farther from the truth – Minchan was aching to see him again.

He hopped down the last steps and started down the hallway for the entrance hall, but just as he had taken a couple steps, something hard knocked into his shoulder. The world tilted for a nauseating moment before Minchan’s arm flew out and grabbed onto the wall.

Another student stood still like a statue right by him, looking at Minchan like he had just spat in his food. “Sorry, I didn’t see where I was going,” he apologized, bowing his head. The student didn’t say anything, just narrowed his eyes before he kept going. Minchan stared dumbly after him for a couple seconds, a chill running down his spine and settling in his gut.

Adjusting his backpack strap, Minchan gave one last look in the direction the student had gone before turning around and heading for the entrance. He had just barely made it out of the hallway when a familiar figure weaved through the crowd by the doors.

“Gyehyeon!” He called out, lifting his hand and waving it animatedly in the air. Gyehyeon’s eyes found his in an instant. His expression looked oddly tense, but before Minchan had the time to figure it out it relaxed, a small smile spreading on his face as Minchan approached him.

“How have you been –“ Minchan’s voice faltered when Gyehyeon, as if by reflex, wrapped him up in a tight hug. It was unexpected, leaving Minchan at a loss for words even as the arms around him tightened to the point of discomfort. “Hey,” he managed, patting Gyehyeon on the back.

It was like someone had a flipped a switch. Gyehyeon let up immediately and stepped out of Minchan’s space, expression dazed. He blinked a couple times, giving his head a shake for good measure, before grabbing Minchan’s hand. “We’re in the way,” he explained, wasting no time in leading them out the doors.

Once they were off campus grounds and on a quiet street heading into the downtown area, Minchan gently took his hand back. “What was that, back there?”

The question had been gnawing at him ever since he saw the flash of tenseness on Gyehyeon’s face. First, he has a strange run-in with a guy he’s never met before, then Gyehyeon shows up not even a minute later looking ready to start a fist fight. It could very well be a complete coincidence, but something about it was throwing Minchan off.

Gyehyeon didn’t reply, eyebrows furrowing as he stared into the air in front of him. The line of his shoulders was rigid and now that he wasn’t holding on to anything, his hands were balling into loose fists at his sides.

After another beat of silence, Minchan relented with a small sigh. “Alright, you don’t have to answer, but if you know I’m here, right? If you ever have something on your mind?” He reached out and took both of Gyehyeon’s hands in his, uncurling his fingers before intertwining them with his own.

That did the trick. The corners of Gyehyeon’s lips twitched and some of that tension bled out from his shoulders. “I know,” he said. “Sorry for hugging you unprovoked like that.”

It was Minchan’s turn to crack a smile. “Hugs are always welcome. And besides,” he leaned in close to Gyehyeon’s ear and softened his voice, “I missed you too.”

A smack landed on Minchan’s shoulder and he pulled back with a laugh, watching with all the glee in the world as Gyehyeon’s ears turned bright red. “You suck,” he grumbled, bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

Slinging an arm around his shoulders, Minchan got them walking again. “My natural flare for hilarity aside, I do mean it. Thought about you all night.” Gyehyeon looked at him with narrowed eyes, clearly assessing whether or not he was fucking around.

“Gyehyeon-ah!” Minchan whined, “I mean it! I was a mess in class, too. Yeonho is making me pay for his coffee on top of tutoring fees because it’s gonna be such a pain to teach me.”

That got Gyehyeon looking a little smug. “Serves you right.” He slipped out from underneath Minchan’s arm and grabbed his hand again instead. Neither of them really questioned the act, it felt as natural as breathing. “I know a place that has lighter stuff, like salads and all that. Wanna go? I figured that’d work best since it’s a little early.”

Minchan considered it for a second, before nodding. “Sounds good. I’m not picky, so whatever you want is fine by me.”

Gyehyeon adjusted his grip and without even looking at Minchan, tugged. Minchan let himself be pulled closer without any protest. “Smooth,” he said, as if the butterflies in his stomach weren’t kicking up a riot. The warmth from Gyehyeon’s arm, now pressed against his own, seeped through his clothes.

It was safe to say Gyehyeon looked very satisfied with himself.

***

(!!!)

"By the way, what’s your major?” Minchan asked once they had settled down with their food. It had hit him just then that he had completely forgotten to ask one of the most basic questions on earth. That sense of familiarity really overrode any sense of needing to get to know Gyehyeon, because, he sort of already did. Only that he did not. Minchan didn’t even know what his hometown was.

“Sports science.” Gyehyeon took a sip of his drink before resting his chin on his hand. “I’ve always been good at athletics, but I didn’t want to pursue sports as a career. Figured it’d be too unstable.”

Minchan mulled that over and decided it fit Gyehyeon. It’s not like he hadn’t noticed how firm his body was whenever they hugged. “Suits you,” he smiled easily. They lapsed into a comfortable silence as they ate, only occasionally asking basic questions like _“what’s your favorite color?” “pink,” “why is that not surprising,” “what? Jo Gyehyeon -“_

“I’m doing my bachelor on film,” Minchan said when he was finished with his meal. Gyehyeon’s eyes lit up and he leaned forward, just a little. “My main focus is on editing, but I can’t pursue it as a full major so I have to do other stuff too. I don’t mind, though. Oh, and I sing too, as a hobby.” He hadn’t thought it possible for Gyehyeon to light up even more, but he was positively glowing now.

“I sing too,” he explained, and the most brilliant smile Minchan had ever seen from him blossomed on his face. “Who knows, maybe we can do a duet someday.”

His heart did a set of ecstatic leaps in his chest as heat shot up his face and neck in what had to be a _furious_ blush. Minchan diverted his eyes, staring at his chopsticks instead. “Y-yeah, I’d love to.”

The clock had struck 1pm when they realized that _hey, we should probably get out of here_. They split the check 50/50 despite Minchan insisting he’d cover the costs and made sure to tip their waitress generously, before heading out into the now busy streets. Gyehyeon wasted no time in grabbing his hand, and together they made their way away from the bustling crowd and into the quieter streets. He didn’t seem to have any particular destination in mind, but Minchan didn’t have an issue with that.

“Do you live in the dorms?”

Minchan shuddered. “No, thank god. Hoyoung and I live off campus.”

“That bad, huh?” Gyehyeon raised his eyebrows, looking at Minchan with thinly veiled amusement.

The whopping three months Minchan had spent in the dormitory before moving out with Hoyoung had been a nightmare. His roommate had been loud and an absolute snob, he had had absolutely no privacy, and worst of all, the fucker had stolen his medication. It had taken him ages to get a new prescription out, courtesy of the pharmacy thinking he was lying. That had _not_ been a good month.

“Fucking awful,” Minchan said, and maybe there was a bit too much weight in his voice, because Gyehyeon suddenly looked a little alarmed. “I’m on meds. Fucker of a roommate stole ‘em and I couldn’t get my prescription refilled for an entire month.” It struck him how easy it was to be open with Gyehyeon, but he found he didn’t mind it one bit.

Gyehyeon opened his mouth but then immediately closed it, looking away with a small frown on his face. Minchan recognized the look and gave him a nudge with his elbow. “You can ask, you know?” When Gyehyeon still looked a bit hesitant, Minchan gave him a reassuring smile. “Really, I don’t mind when it’s you.”

They stared at each other then, a million words passing through the air between them. Gyehyeon was the first to look away, looking more at ease again. “What are you on medication for?”

Minchan shrugged, staring at the sidewalk in front of him. “Depression. It’s chronic, had it since I was little. It used to be… it used to be bad. Really bad. When I was about 12, I got on medication, and it was a total game changer for me. I felt dull and empty, but that was a lot easier to cope with than… you know. Therapy helped too, of course. Wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without that.

“So, when that guy took my meds, that was the first time I had been off them for, like, 7 years. Went into withdrawal and started throwing up, got super dizzy, and ended up falling and giving myself a concussion.” _Sorry, Hoyoung._ _“_I also dealt with anxiety for months afterwards. God, I hate that guy, you can’t even get high on antidepressants, why did he steal them?” Minchan let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. He wasn’t mad about it anymore, just found the whole ordeal completely ridiculous.

He also woke with full-blown panic attacks nearly every night, leaving him sleep deprived to the point where he could hardly function at all, but Minchan quickly decided against bringing that particular detail up.

“Hoyoung really had his plate full dealing with me. I had stopped seeing a psychologist at that point, since we all figured I was adjusted enough to where regular sessions weren’t necessary anymore_. _Ended up at an inpatient ward for, like, two weeks because psychosis symptoms started showing up – that’s another withdrawal symptom, by the way. It’s apparently really rare, but that’s my luck for you. Safe to say I was happy to move out.”

Only when he finished talking did Minchan realize Gyehyeon’s grip on his hand had tightened. When he looked over, he was taken aback by how positively enraged he looked. “Hey now,” he stepped in front of Gyehyeon and brought them to a stop. “There’s no need to be angry. I’m okay, and that guy dropped out a year later.”

“I’m gonna run him over,” Gyehyeon declared, nostrils flaring in a way so distinctly mother-bear-mode-Hoyoung Minchan was severely spooked on his former roommates behalf.

“No one’s running anyone over, I’m too poor to bail you out.” Minchan put on his signature doe eyes, cupping the side of Gyehyeon’s neck with his free hand. Gyehyeon was still frowning though, and without really thinking, Minchan leaned in and pecked him right between the brows.

One second, two seconds, three…

“Oh my god!” Minchan squeaked, stumbling back and flailing his arms in front of himself. “I’m so sorry! I don’t – I wasn’t –!”

Gyehyeon looked completely thunderstruck, staring at Minchan with eyes so wide they looked about two seconds from tumbling out of his head. With a pitiful groan, Minchan hid his face in his hands.

“At least you’re not frowning anymore,” he mumbled lamely. Why couldn’t God pick this exact moment to smite him?

There was an elongated pause where the awkward tension between them grew all but tangible Gyehyeon released a drawn out sigh. “You are unbelievable.”

Minchan buried his face even deeper into his palms and hunched his shoulders. His entire body was on fire with embarrassment, but before he could spew out another string of apologies, Gyehyeon had stepped right up into his space. “Stop hiding, you idiot,” he chastised, prying Minchan’s hands away despite his protests.

With his hands trapped in Gyehyeon’s, Minchan was forced to come face to face with him again. What he hadn’t been expecting, though, was the proximity. Whatever he had been planning to say got stuck in his throat.

“Thank you, for cheering me up.” A small smile was playing on Gyehyeon’s face and Minchan swore his eyes flitted down for a split second. “Can’t promise I won’t punch his lights out if I find out who he is, though”

Then it happened. It was quick, just the briefest of pecks, but Minchan felt like the universe was exploding in the few seconds Gyehyeon’s lips were pressed against his cheek.

He pulled back, and Minchan’s expression must’ve been hilarious, because he started _giggling._ “Now we’re even!” He chirped and started down the sidewalk again. Minchan was pulled along like a ragdoll, still struggling to get his brain in working order.

“Asshole,” he managed a full block later, but all that earned him was a loud laugh.

***

They ended up at Minchan and Hoyoung’s apartment an hour or so later. Hoyoung was picking up a shift at the campus coffee shop, so they had the place to themselves. Minchan busied himself in the kitchen and made some ramen for the two of them. They ate in relative silence, but neither of them really minded. Just being in each other’s presence was enough.

After cleaning up the dishes, Minchan plopped down on the couch with a sigh, slumping back into the cushions. Gyehyeon followed right after him, though he had the decency to actually sit properly.

“Hey, Minchan?” Minchan glanced over at Gyehyeon, whose face had been blanketed by a somber aura. “I didn’t want to bring it up, but… we kind of need to talk about, you know, _it,_” he said, clasping his hands together in his lap.

Minchan looked away as his chest tightened. Part of him had known this was inevitable and that putting it off wouldn’t help. He had even tried to brace himself for it. But, he wasn’t sure anyone could truly be ready to face… well, _this. _

Those haunting images flashed in his mind all over again, sending a sick chill through his body and making him pull his knees to his chest. It was a pitiful attempt at comforting himself, but it was better than nothing. “I can… I can tell you what I remember, if you want?”

“Only if you’re ready,” Gyehyeon sounded worried, but Minchan could tell he wanted to hear it. He had every right to know, he reasoned, and not being the only one who carried the weight of that memory might help the knot in his stomach loosen.

“Yeah, I’m good, just – “ Minchan reached out toward Gyehyeon, fingers just shy of touching him. “Could you hold my hand? So I don’t…” _so I don’t forget you’re still here._

Maybe Gyehyeon had understood those unspoken words, because he still grabbed onto Minchan’s hand and laced their fingers together with a reassuring squeeze.

With a steadying breath, Minchan began.

“It was our meeting at my work that triggered it. Before that, I would just wake up drenched in sweat and terrified, but I never remembered the nightmare. When I got home from work that morning, I was telling Hoyoung about what happened and it just hit me, like a flashback.

“You were on the ground and I was sitting over you. I was really scared, because you were covered in… in blood,” he had to stop and steady his voice, “You told me _it doesn’t hurt,_ and I was saying something about an ambulance. Before it got there though, you… you slipped away. I watched it all happen.”

Minchan buried his face in his knees, trying to breathe around the panic bubbling in his throat. Tears were acidic in his eyes, running down his cheeks and staining his pants. “I don’t know what lead up to it, but I watched – I watched you _die_. It’s too late to do anything about it now, but I never stopped feeling guilty. I just –“ _I didn’t get to say goodbye._

He didn’t resist when Gyehyeon tugged at his hand. He let himself be pulled into an embrace, head coming to rest right over Gyehyeon’s heart. It was beating steadily, or maybe a little too fast, but the arms that wrapped around him were solid and warm

“I’m sorry,” Gyehyeon’s voice was hushed and Minchan was sure he wasn’t imagining how it wobbled. “That – that sounds really scary.”

They sat in silence for a while, neither being able to find their voice. It was a lot to process, but Minchan could finally breathe again. There wasn’t an oppressive secret weighing on his heart anymore. Now, he might be able to start moving on.

“You know,” his voice cracked, “you told me you’d find me. Made me promise to wait for you.”

Gyehyeon breathed out something akin to a laugh, lifting one hand to card through Minchan’s curls. “At least I did one thing right.” There was a loaded pause before he spoke again. “So… We agree then, that we lived before, somehow?”

Just the mention of it gave Minchan a headache. He couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around how that would be possible. Approach it like math, he told himself. Just go along with it and don’t ask questions. Some things just _are. _“Yeah, I guess we did.”

***

**Author's Note:**

> I will put an (!!!) before any section of the story where any of these trigger warnings apply:  
\- Mentions of blood and/or character death  
\- Description of medication withdrawal  
\- Mentions of depression  
\- Anxiety attack, flashbacks that could be similar to those experienced by people with PTSD.
> 
> None of them are super heavy except for the very first (!!!), where one of the main characters dies within a flashback. This scene was very emotionally charged for me too, so I advice you proceed with some caution if you're sensetive to that stuff <3 If you need a summary just PM me!!


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